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When Love Is Not Perfect by Dr. Marie Sontag
Self-Help
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Statistics show that as many as one out of every four adults experienced childhood abuse. Therapists agree that a key element in recovery from abuse is to experience a "re-parenting process" - something that is hard to do for ourselves. Adding the element of spirituality to any recovery program enables abuse survivors to discover that needed source of power outside of themselves. Adults who were sexually, emotionally, or physically abused as children can find healing and wholeness as they learn about the nurturing side of God's character. When Love Is Not Perfect provides a biblical framework to help survivors experience God's re-parenting process.
Written for the abused and those who counsel the abused, When Love Is Not Perfect helps the reader:
- know what abuse is
- understand how past abuse affects present behavior
- develop healthy relationships
- move into wholeness and maturity
This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-No Derivatives 3.0 United States License.
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Chapters
| Title | Description | Date Created |
| WhenLove 01 (16.8 MB) | Episode 1: Part I, Surveying Damaged Foundations. Chapter 1, What Is Abuse? This chapter provides officially recognized definitions of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, as well as review questions and a "God's Nurturing Words to You" section. | Aug 13, 2010 |
| WhenLove 02 (21.78 MB) | Episode 2: Part I, Surveying Damaged Foundations. Chapter 2, Characteristics of Adults Abused as Children. This chapter discusses the effects of abuse on children, and how it affects them as adults. Through real life and biblical examples, the chapter explores the results of abuse, and gives steps to help abuse survivors survey the damage abuse has had on their lives. The chapter also includes review questions and a section of "God's Nurturing Words to You." | Aug 13, 2010 |
| WhenLove 03 (22.18 MB) | Episode 3: Part II, Laying a New Foundation. Chapter 3, Dysfunctional Blueprint vs. God’s Blueprint. This chapter reviews elements of dysfunctional family blueprints that can lead to abusive environments, including restrictive rules, repressive roles, fantasy bonds, and dysfunctionally needy parents. The chapter also discusses how to implement God’s blueprint for family life, including the provision of a family environment that instills a sense of love, competence and worth. | Aug 13, 2010 |
| WhenLove 04 (13.34 MB) | Episode 4: Part II, Laying a New Foundation. Chapter 4, Breaking New Ground. This chapter helps abuse survivors identify coping mechanisms, confront core issues, and work through some of the painful issues of childhood abuse. The chapter also includes review questions, as well as a "God's Nurturing Words to You" section. | Aug 13, 2010 |
| WhenLove 05 (15 MB) | Episode 5: Part III, A Solid Framework. Chapter 5, Righting a Wrong View of God. This chapter discusses common distortions of God that can be caused by abuse, and challenges those distortions with biblical source references. The chapter also includes review questions, and a section of "God's Nurturing Words to You." | Aug 13, 2010 |
| WhenLove 06 (10.31 MB) | Episode 6: Part III, A Solid Framework. Chapter 6, The Nurturing Side of God. Chapter 6 discusses how we can experience the nurturing side of God's character as we understand how God adopts us into his family, and how we can experience him as someome who is wholly with us at all times. It also explains how to experience God's presence, how to give him permission to bring painful issues to the surface, and how to experience his passage through our lives with his cleansing and caring presence. The chapter also includes review questions, and a section of "God's Nurturing Words to You." | Aug 15, 2010 |
| WhenLove 07 (13.45 MB) | Episode 7: Part IV, Walls and Windows. Chapter 7, Setting Boundaries. Chapter 7 explains how abuse survivors can often give to others for the wrong reasons, and how they can learn to give to others for the right reasons. The chapter also includes review questions, and a section of "God's Nurturing Words to You." | Aug 15, 2010 |
| WhenLove 08 (10.71 MB) | Episode 8: Part IV, Walls and Windows. Chapter 8, Opening Windows. Chapter 8 illustrates how adults abused as children can learn to keep current with their emotions as they understand that God will never abandon them, recognize ways in which they may sometimes abandon themselves, and learn how to challenge their fears in specific ways. The chapter also includes review questions, and a section of "God's Nurturing Words to You." | Aug 15, 2010 |
| WhenLove 09 (12.21 MB) | Episode 9: Part V, New Furniture. Chapter 9, Like a Little Child. Chapter 9 explains how abuse can stifle a person's individuality because of the walls that were built in an effort to prevent further hurt. This chapter outlines how an abuse survivor can get in touch with the little child that may be buried deep within. The chapter also includes review questions, and a section of "God's Nurturing Words to You." | Aug 15, 2010 |
| WhenLove 10 (14.46 MB) | Episode 10: Part V, New Furniture. Chapter 10, Growing in Wholeness. This chapter discusses concepts that can help adults abused as children more fully experience the person they were created to be. These concepts include, "triggers and tracing", "feel to heal", "honor your process", and "progress not perfection". The chapter also includes review questions, and a section of "God's Nurturing Words to You." | Aug 15, 2010 |
| WhenLove 11 (11.58 MB) | Episode 11: Part VI, Shaking Out the Welcome Mat. Chapter 11, Forgive and Forget? Chapter 11 poses the question, "Can abuse survivors really forgive and forget?" The chapter discusses what it really means to "forgive and forget", and addresses the issue of confronting abusers. It also includes review questions, and a section of "God's Nurturing Words to You." | Aug 15, 2010 |
| WhenLove 12 (10.81 MB) | Episode 12: Part VI, Shaking Out the Welcome Mat. Chapter 12, Pressing On. Chapter 12 discusses the reactions others may have as abuse survivors work through their recovery process. It encourages survivors to find a small, safe support group where they will be allowed to honor their process and find encouragement to progress toward becoming all God created them to be. The chapter ends with discussion questions and a section of "God's Nurturing Words to You." | Aug 15, 2010 |