Book Information
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This podiobook is complete
Dunkin the Vampire Slayer by Greg Crites
Humor
ADULT: Adult oriented themes, language and situations. Content not suitable for minors.
Click the arrow below to listen to the first episode of this free audio book:
What could possibly bring together a 450 pound vampire slayer, a drunken, acid-tongued detective, a good natured carpenter, bureaucratic vampires, giant anacondas, mutant vampire bats, Ho Hos, Twinkies and more one-liners than a night at the comedy club? Dunkin, the vampire slayer blends all this discordance and more into a hilarious adventure that moves from the muggy heat of Florida to the muggier heat of the Amazon. ....If Carl Hiaasson, Tim Dorsey and Dave Barry collaborated on a vampire story, it may have turned out like this absurd romp.... This is part one of a trilogy.
Hey! This is book one and the introduction of Devlin, hero of three other novels I have perpetrated on an unsuspecting public. Book two, Dunkin the Vampire Slayer: Death Rides A Pale, Pink, Porcine Horse is available at www.veinarmor.com. Book three, Dunkin the Vampire Slayer: It Ain't Over Til the Fat Man Stings is currently undergoing final hackery by me--The Hack!
This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works- 3.0 United States License.
Audio Quality: 
Out of 15 ratings
Narration Quality: 
Out of 15 ratings
Writing Quality:
Out of 15 ratings
Overall Rating:
Out of 14 ratings
By: Chris
Greg's books have really grown on me. The first one I listened to I nearly deleted, but my how things have changed. It turns out Greg is highly creative and one of the best entertainers on Podiobooks.By: Octopon
I'm so stoked to see this! I loved your other two books, and I'm downloading this now. I'm a cheap, unemployed bastard, so I can't buy your stuff right now.By: Greg Crites
Heh! Heh! I'm supposed to be down south building a cedar hot tub playroom, but a bunch of you GREAT fans bought .pdf downloads and uh...the technical wizard...eh...who set up the autodownloadthingamabob appears to have erred. I ain't saying who that was. Anywho, big thanks to all! -----Here's a promo for the Dunkin series. Just when you thought it was safe to read again.... When you were sure every other book on the Barnes and Noble shelf was not about lust-driven vampires with Brad Pitt?s body, Johnny Depp?s personality, and Sean Connery?s voice, seducing the poor single girl at home eating yogurt and stroking her cat.... The Trilogy You Hoped Would Never Be Written.... DUNKIN, THE VAMPIRE SLAYER Something Porcine This Way Comes DUNKIN THE VAMPIRE SLAYER II Death Rides A Pale, Pink, Porcine Horse *DUNKIN THE VAMPIRE SLAYER III It Ain?t Over Til The Porcine Man Stings *?coming just as soon as I sober up and hire someone to paint the cover. Dunkin A 450 pound vampire slayer who must eat or turn into a vampire himself. He calls his blubber, veinarmor. Devlin An alcoholic detective with a foul disposition. Ash A short, wide, timber framer who lays down for no one, not even ugly vampires. An accidental meeting changes all of their lives as they pursue a High Council vampire all the way to Brazil and up the Amazon. Nice stuff people not related to, or sleeping with, the author have said about the series: ... a masterful blend of humor and horror... ... this trilogy will stand the test of time... ... Swiftian storytelling! ... no one writes like this. There?s something wrong with Crites... The Amazon, Nepal, France, Australia, Italy, these three are on a quest that spans the globe. A quest to rid the earth of the bloodsuckers and find a cure for that nasty vampire blood.
Chapters
| Title | Description | Date Created |
| Episode 1 (21.96 MB) | Episode One: Chapter One: We meet Devlin for the first time as he is rudely interrupted while drinking. Chapter Two: We meet Ash who is rudely interrupted while working. Chapter Three: We meet Dunkin, then we meet some vampires who are rudely interrupted while sleeping. | Jul 23, 2008 |
| Episode 2 (20.81 MB) | Episode Two: Chapter Four: Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap —Devlin shows why he is so popular among his peers. Chapter Five: All For One and One For All - A twisted corkscrewing of fate brings three strangers together. | Jul 23, 2008 |
| Episode 3 (20.49 MB) | Episode Three: Chapter Six: A Mother’s Love or Cut Me a Willow Switch — Our three intrepid heroes show a united front when Devlin's mother, Aggie, is in danger. | Jul 23, 2008 |
| Episode 4 (23.65 MB) | Episode Four: Chapter Seven: Sugar and Spice and Everything.... Flatulent —We meet the Master Vampire, Creel. Chapter Eight: Potatohead Mythology — Dunkin relates the myth of the Irish Vampire Warrior line. | Jul 23, 2008 |
| Episode 5 (12.15 MB) | Episode Five: Chapter Nine: Can you feel the love? A short chapter wherein Creel plots against Dunkin. | Jul 23, 2008 |
| Episode 6 (22.03 MB) | Episode Six: Chapter Ten: Where oh Where Can the Vampire's Be? — Devlin exhibits the skills that make him a fine detective and drinker. | Jul 23, 2008 |
| Episode 7 (23.15 MB) | Episode Seven: Chapter Eleven: Crowds Make Me Nervous — A first violent encounter, and tragedy strikes. | Jul 23, 2008 |
| Episode 8 (24.29 MB) | Episode Eight: Chapter Twelve: Death, Where Is Thy Sting? Is this the end of the foul-mouthed one? Chapter Thirteen: They Did the Mash, They Did the Vampire-Mash — Creel expresses his anger, then the vampires conduct a strategy meeting. | Jul 23, 2008 |
| Episode 9 (15.25 MB) | Episode Nine: Chapter Fourteen: Roses Are Red, Dunkin Is Huge... —Love strikes from an unlikely source. | Jul 23, 2008 |
| Episode 10 (16.14 MB) | Episode Ten: Chapter Fifteen: What the world needs now.... are a few less vampires. — The start of a big war no one was ready for. | Jul 23, 2008 |
| Episode 11 (28.4 MB) | Episode Eleven: Chapter Sixteen: Stick your head between your legs, and kiss your ass goodbye — The gang encounters more resistance than they expect. Is this the end? Chapter Seventeen: It’s Only a Flesh Wound — A titanic battle. A surprise ally. A disappearing drunk. | Jul 23, 2008 |
| Episode 12 (29.11 MB) | Episode Twelve: Chapter Eighteen: Have A Drink On Me — Devlin makes another poor decision, and this one WILL leave a mark. Chapter Nineteen: I’d Rather Spike, Than Switch — What kind of monster will this be? | Jul 23, 2008 |
| Episode 13 (17.03 MB) | Episode Thirteen: Chapter Twenty: Turn And Face the Strange Changes — Devlin awakens to his new existence. Is he a good monster? | Jul 23, 2008 |
| Episode 14 (24.19 MB) | Episode Fourteen: Chapter Twenty-One: Who You Gonna Call? — The High Council of Vampires have a meeting and agree; Dunkin Must Be Destroyed! | Jul 23, 2008 |
| Episode 15 (24.82 MB) | Episode Fifteen: Chapter Twenty-Two: Your Timing Sucks! — Devlin proves again why he is both a pain-in-the-ass and a valuable member of the team. Chapter Twenty-Three: Row, Row, Row Your Boat — Plotting. Monsters. A trip upriver. | Jul 23, 2008 |
| Episode 16 (29.75 MB) | Episode Sixteen: Chapter Twenty-Four: Riverworld — Unexpected visitors, an ancient gift. Chapter Twenty-Five: Coitus Interruptus Redux...or Coiless Interruptus — Oh is Dunkin pissed now! | Jul 23, 2008 |
| Episode 17 (31.45 MB) | Episode Seventeen: Chapter Twenty-Six: Let's Go Camping — It's Battle Royale time! Chapter Twenty-Seven: Rumble In the Jungle — Is it over? Did we live? | Jul 23, 2008 |
| Episode 18 (15.17 MB) | Episode Eighteen: Chapter Twenty-Eight: A Pound of Flesh — The heroes face a High Council vampire. | Jul 29, 2008 |
| Episode 19 (12.76 MB) | Episode Nineteen: Chapter Twenty-Nine: The Obligatory Chase Scene — Dunkin and crew set off after their nemesis. | Jul 29, 2008 |
| Episode 20 (11.83 MB) | Episode Twenty: Chapter 30: Is This the End? — This is the final chapter of Dunkin the Vampire Slayer: Something Porcine This Way Comes, book one of a trilogy. | Jul 30, 2008 |