The Ninja Handbook

Never finished. And it’s been a couple of years, so it probably wont be. So… deleting. Sad Panda.

Guess how excited we are to bring this book to our audience? Wrong! It’s way more than that!

Douglas Sarine and Kent Nichols, the forces behind Ask A Ninja are proud to present The Ninja Handbook. This book looks forward to killing you soon

DEADLY NINJA WISDOM FOR THE NON-NINJA

Carefully consider the joy of your soft-headed ignorance before you begin to run, flip, and jump along the Ninja Path.

After much debate and in a spirit of morbid amusement, the International Order of Ninjas has chosen to produce The Ninja Handbook, the first-ever secret ninja training guide specifically designed for the non-ninja.

Most non-ninjas who handle these delicate, deadly pages will die-probably in an elaborately horrific and painful manner. But whether your journey lasts five seconds or five days or (rather inconceivably) five years, all those who bravely take up this text and follow the tenets and trials laid out within will die knowing they were as ninja as they possibly could’ve been.

For the true of heart or the extremely lucky, this powerful and honorable manuscript contains such phenomenal ninja wisdom as:

– How to create and name your very own lethal ninja clan
– The proper weapon to use when fighting a vampire pumpkin
– Why clowns and robots are so dangerous on the Internet
– Easy-to-follow charts showing when to slice and when to stab
– How to execute such ultradeadly kicks as the Driving Miss Daisy
– Why pretty much every ninja movie ever made sucks
– How to make a shoggoth explode using well-placed foliage
– What the heck a shoggoth is and why you’ll need to make it explode
– Death Aide certification
– And much more ninjafied enlightenment on every shuriken-sharp page!

Remember: People do not take the Path, the Path takes people.

The first two episodes are in the default feed right now. Or you can get a custom feed if you want to change how often you get them.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download





This entry was posted by Evo on Saturday, September 27th, 2008 at 2:39 pm and is filed under New Books. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

3 Responses to “The Ninja Handbook”

  1. Dianne Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 5:03 pm

    I am immediately fascinated by the endless possibilities that this book might provide to myself and my clan. In fact, we’ve already purchased black hooded PJ’s in preparation.

  2. Stu Hutson Says:
    November 7th, 2008 at 9:31 am

    Wow…I deeply appreciate the level of professionalism displayed in this podiobook. Episodes 3 and on are so ninjastic, you can’t even tell that they’re there.

  3. Thomas in Korea Says:
    January 30th, 2009 at 8:02 am

    Stu Hutson is correct in his praise of this awesome text (uhm, sound file). His astute observation simply indicates that our Ninja Masters obviously feel we are not yet ready to proceed down the path of enlightenment.

    Oh, please! Master let us proceed before Evo closes the path!

    I am, as always, your most humble and irreverant servant from the land of the morning sun.

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