Dunkin the Vampire Slayer TWO
More from the insidious mind of Greg Crites. Consider yourselves warned. It’s his second book in a series, Dunkin the Vampire Slayer TWO:
DUNKIN THE VAMPIRE SLAYER II
Death Rides A Pale, Pink, Porcine HorseThe second installment in the trilogy!
In Dunkin One you followed the heroes as they pursue a High Council vampire all the way to Brazil and up the Amazon in search of ancient scrolls that may contain a cure.
Now, in Dunkin Two, from the Smoky mountains of America, to Nepal, France, Australia, Italy, these three are on a quest that spans the globe. A quest to rid the earth of the bloodsuckers and find a cure for that nasty vampire blood.
Many things stand in their way, high council vampires, hit men, ninjas, ancient prophecies, and an unspeakable horror unleashed on the world by desperate vampires. And worst of all, Devlin’s having serious anger issues as he comes to grips with being more powerful and more of a jackass than anything on earth.
…oh, and more jokes, one-liners, and wiseass comments than should be allowed in any single novel.
Find other free serialized audiobooks by Greg Crites. You can subscribe to the default feed of Dunkin II, or get a custom feed and control how often new episodes are sent to you.
August 27th, 2008 at 8:27 am
This is a big one. It’s gonna take a while. Forty-four chapters. A mighty quest. Heh! I’m posting ‘em one chapter at a time, just like I created them. Here’s the run-down:
DUNKIN II
Chapter 1 ………….. Dunkin II: Death Rides a Pale, Pink, Porcine Horse
Chapter 2 ………….. Conflict Resolution 101
Chapter 3 ………….. The claws that bite, the glue that binds
Chapter 4 ………….. A Tangled Web of Spooks and Kooks
Chapter 5 ………….. Break Stuff
Chapter 6 ………….. I’ve been down so bleep bleep low
Chapter 7 ………….. Do, Do, Do, That It Looks Like Up To Me.
Chapter 8 ………….. Take me to your leader
Chapter 9 ………….. Disharmonic Convergence
Chapter 10 ………… My Way or the Die Way
Chapter 11 ………… The Touchless Mind Wash
Chapter 12 ………… Crisco Cross Dressing
Chapter 13 ………… A Long Way To Travel Just To Kill Vampires
Chapter 14 ………… There’s a lot to be said for planning
Chapter 15 ………… Ouch! That’s Gonna Leave A Mark
Chapter 16 ………… Wankers in Wingtips
Chapter 17 ………… I Got Dem Foot Up Yo Ass Blues
Chapter 18 ………… Devil With the Red Dress On
Chapter 19 ………… Eat, Drink and Be Scary
Chapter 20 ………… Special FX On a Limited Budget
Chapter 21 ………… Crouching Vampire, Broken Bottle
Chapter 22 ………… Pre Papal Pickling
Chapter 23 ………… Devlin, The Ugly American
Chapter 24 ………… The Italian Leg Garden
Chapter 25 ………… Idle Hands do the Devlin’s Work
Chapter 26 ………… Charity Begins At Home
Chapter 27 ………… Confession Is Good For The Soul
Chapter 28 ………… The Abominable, Carping Nomad
Chapter 29 ………… Sweet Dreams Are Made of This
Chapter 30 ………… Die, Then Die Some More
Chapter 31 ………… Let’s Go For A Spin Around The Dock
Chapter 32 ………… I Got My Hammer, What Now?
Chapter 33 ………… I Got the Fever, There Ain’t No Cure
Chapter 34 ………… Okay, I’ll try one, but just one…
Chapter 35 ………… How Do You Make the Angels Weep?
Chapter 36 ………… It’s My Party and I’ll Die If I Want To
Chapter 37 ………… Oh, the Humanity!
Chapter 38 ………… Armageddon Tired of These Interruptions
Chapter 39 ………… Born To Be Riled
Chapter 40 ………… Down the Rabid Hole
Chapter 42 ………… Surrender? I thought We Already Did
Chapter 43 ………… The Thrilla in Greenwich Villa
Chapter 44 ………… It’s Time To Stop and Smell the Flowers
August 28th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Yeah!! Looking forward to it!
Dunkin Kicks royal ass, and Devlin is such a sweetheart.
August 29th, 2008 at 6:21 am
Oh, thank goodness. I’m up to my ears in serious iPod content, desperate for something fun, and heeere’s Devlin! Just in time.
September 1st, 2008 at 5:02 am
Woo Hoo. More Vampire goodness. Such excellent and fun stories.
September 6th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Hey! Gail, Soren, Nigel… HUGE thanks for listening, commenting, sending me some luuuuuve! Har! Man! I’m getting great feedback. One guy said when he got to Devlin’s singing 99 Jelly Filled Donuts in chapter 42…he had to pull off the road. Another discerning listener admonished me for causing her to snort green tea through her nostrils. I’ve been proposed to, cursed, harangued, and informed ‘I’m one of the funniest bastard’s on earth’. My accents have been called comically incompetent, my singing horrendous, my voice a cross between a sexy Barry White and Pee Wee Herman getting his vienna sausage caught in a zipper. I tell ya, I’m feeling the love.
September 10th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
If I didn’t know that there was another Dunkin on the way, I’d have to bug you until you wrote one, Greg.
I have a lot of sympathy with the guy who had to pull off the road, that song was so wrong. Hey, maybe you need one of those labels warning people not to operate heavy machinery while listening.
September 10th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Gail! Yer an under-appreciated asset to this upscale community of intelligent, discerning, seekers-of-quality storytelling. You never fail to freely offer comments of encouragement, appreciation, and if needed, suggestions for improvement. Evo should award you some kinda button, or a blue ribbon (not an empty bottle of PBR, Evo, ya wanker) …I don’t know, some kinda Incredibly Discerning Listener Evaluation award! Har! That’s it! The Idle’s! Evo, ya horntoad, get on that. We need to institute an annual IDLE award. Because ya know, ya put the headphones on, and you idle along, enjoying yer work, and yer day! …thanks, Gail! And that’s a nice, rhythmic line…”that song was so wrong” Heh!
September 10th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
PBR? You wound me, sir.
September 12th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Yes, Evo, I admit that was uncalled for. I feel bad now. I’ve actually breached the bounds of acceptable gentlemanly behavior. I assumed you wouldn’t know what PBR was. I shoulda said Hamm’s, or Old Style…or Black Label! Man, that was some horrid crap. Two-bucks a case and the proprietor usually gave you a free hot dog out of sheer pity for your future.
September 17th, 2008 at 6:04 am
More Dunkin and less Devlin! This is “Dunkin the Vamipre Slayer”, right? Or, maybe its Devlin the Foulmouthed Hart Squisher”. Well, whatever, just keep em’ comin’.
September 18th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Nibbler, I know what ya mean. Devlin sorta took over. But he and Dunkin share many Kodak moments together as the story progresses. They bond. Har! Thanks! The Hack
September 25th, 2008 at 5:27 am
Never have i enjoyed a series of books like i have the Dunkin the Vampire Slayer! I hope your fans will never let you stop writing these wonderfully hilarious books! PLEASE keep them comin’!
September 25th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Jason! Music to my cauliflower’d ears, sir! Heh! It’s love and cash and rum, that fuels this scribbling bum. Har! Poetry is my true calling. And flowers, and picnics, and walks in the park, and cuddling. Acchk… choked. I’m writing some kinda nonsense until my liver gives out, or somebody gives me a check to cease and desist.
October 6th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
I am loving this series so far. The chapters can’t come quickly enough and I’m going to have to start listening to everything you write all over again just to tide me over! After listening to Crusade I am convinced that you are one sick man; a very skilled writer, great story teller, and seriously funny sick man. I actually don’t mind being in traffic and stopping at red lights when I’m listening to your books. Keep them coming!
October 7th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Greg Crites is the finest writer on earth. He’s original. I want to bear his children.
October 8th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Who are you, redheaded beauty? Email me, I’m so lonely. Let’s go on picnics, stare into each others eyes, take long walks, plan vacations, cuddle, let me rub your feet….ooops! I thought I was writing my profile for ematchupharmonialize.com got carried away! My username is Flabio, if yer lookin’ for a love connection. HAR! OK, funny post!
PETER!!! I’m tellin ya!! (Just imagine a Rodney Dangerfield voice there) Great to hear from ya. Glad yer enjoying my rigamarole. Appreciate the comments, and the luuuuv. Just uploaded a couple of my favorite episodes, Special FX On a Limited Budget
and Crouching Vampire, Broken Bottle. You want sick—I deliver.
October 11th, 2008 at 8:02 am
Hey, Greg!
You are one funny MothoFo!! I’m in the middle of Dunkin I and have considered swearing off drinking while listening to your book. Not a chance in hell! About the fifth time I had to wipe beer off my monitor, I just accepted it as the price I pay to listen to your books.
So, kudos aside, I visited your website and was unable to create an account. However, I did manage to purchase your crazy novel about the comedian adventurer. I’ll just bump this down to a new paragraph because it doesn’t quite follow the kudos part.
Greg, if you want more interest and input and feedback, etc. Unlock your website! Make your Cloudcast show downloadable and allow visitors to contact you or comment without having to create an account!
Cheers,
Thomas in Korea
October 11th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Thomas in Korea!!! Ching, Chang, Chong, minniepogibodiska toxonmissiongay! HAR! I know that isn’t Korean, but it sounds funny when you say it out loud. Hell, I ain’t even mastered English yet! I been using that Rosetta Rosary Stone to pick up some Spanish. I learned the word, cerveza; so I’m getting some useful stuff from my two hours of study.
Thanks for the purchase—and the comments! Zane is my funniest book ever…I think. Screw everybody else…no…wait…I’m supposed to be a nicer person. I’ve been told by my media image consultant that I’m an asshole. That I would have more fans if I just stopped before making a crude statement. Maybe try and write a romance novel, something uplifting for my fellow humanoids… I ain’t payin’ that harebrained, lily-lipped, squinch-eyed, image-enhancin’, rat bastard.
As far as the open comment thing…hell, I thought it was open! I’m about twelve orders of magnitude better writer than webmaster. I get mucking around in the back-end, elbow-deep into the css and myphp, and there ain’t no ’string theory’ yet postulated to accurately divine just how bad I’m gonna screw things up. You can subscribe to clodcast on iTunes, but I’ve been considering adding direct links to the files so you can download from there. But ya know what’ll happen. I’ll get those working and I’ll screw something else up in the process.
Anyway, thanks, thomas; and I can add another country—South Korea to my worldwide base of feeble-minded fans. Now if I could just get Sinanju over on the North Side.
October 14th, 2008 at 4:25 am
Greg Crites is the finest writer on earth. He’s original. I want to bear his children. If I were a fine redhead example of the feminine persuasion…
October 14th, 2008 at 6:31 am
Ha!Ha!Ha!…cough…hack… Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!… choke…spit…snort…
I’m laughing my bung into a knot here, Dubba. That line’s going viral. It’s gonna be everywhere…and it’s dang funny. Thanks for cracking me up today! The Hack
October 19th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Dude.. Devlin has to be the biggest asshole on this planet.. keep em comin´
October 21st, 2008 at 10:22 am
Yet another deluded reader from an unsuspecting country falls prey to the…. nonsense. HAR! It’s spreadin’ like the jaws of a huge wrench in a nut factory. Lasse, big thanks for the shout out! And hey, check out the video promo for Devlin Abnormal Investigations, Case File: Cleft Behind. It’s right here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvAywaTMacE
October 25th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Hey, no complainin’ to The Hack. I posted several episodes last Wednesday and they apparently became entwined with other files due to some cyberian digital hiccup. Anyway, it ain’t my fault; they should release soon. So none a yer whining unless ya want to buy me a beer or bow-up for some recreational mayhem. CYA! The Hack
October 27th, 2008 at 7:46 am
This series is definitely in my top 5! I told all of my geek friends about it - they luv it too! I am hooked - will be needn my fix pretty soon
October 27th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
I’m drinkin’ JD right now. It helps unlimber the pinky finger when typing more long strings of offensive words in the active creation of additional novelistic nonsense. Thank’s JD! Tell all yer pals. I’m goin’ global…when I sober up. DEVLIN II…HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT!!! PAY CLOSE ATTENTION!!! …haven’t started recording it. HAR! Tricked ya. It’s pranks like that that illustrate my deep and abiding affection for all the fans. The Hack
November 25th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
This is one of the funniest and best read book on here. Don’t take my word on it just download a few chapters! HAR!
BTW i think there is a bug in the search on podiobooks because “dunkin” doesnt find anything.
November 25th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Oaken! Big ‘Double Har!’ for the kind words. And you can’t find my crap because I rate it XXX-super-explicit-unfit-fer-decent-folk. I do that because I think it’s funny. Plus, it insures only the good people can find my work.
November 26th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
And that’s all, folks! Just uploaded the final chapters of Dunkin II. They’ll be available when Evo Checks ‘em for errors. My Thanksgiving offering. Enjoy! CYA!
November 26th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Dude this book kicks ass man PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ keep them comeing