Greg Crites today launches his third book on the site, Dunkin the Vampire Slayer. The author has requested this be listed as an Adults-Only title, so consider yourselves warned:
What could possibly bring together a 450 pound vampire slayer, a drunken, acid-tongued detective, a good natured carpenter, bureaucratic vampires, giant anacondas, mutant vampire bats, Ho Hos, Twinkies and more one-liners than a night at the comedy club? Dunkin, the Vampire Slayer blends all this discordance and more into a hilarious adventure that moves from the muggy heat of Florida to the muggier heat of the Amazon. ….If Carl Hiaasson, Tim Dorsey and Dave Barry collaborated on a vampire story, it may have turned out like this absurd romp…. This is part one of a trilogy.
Hey! This is book one and the introduction of Devlin, hero of three other novels I have perpetrated on an unsuspecting public. Book two, Dunkin the Vampire Slayer: Death Rides A Pale, Pink, Porcine Horse is available at www.veinarmor.com. Book three, Dunkin the Vampire Slayer: It Ain’t Over Til the Fat Man Stings is currently undergoing final hackery by me–The Hack!
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July 24th, 2008 at 3:02 am
Hey! I read this already! The pleasure of listening awaits me.
July 25th, 2008 at 11:49 am
The fact that I like this so much is probably a good sign that I have brain damage. Thanks!!!
July 26th, 2008 at 1:45 am
Brilliant. Can’t speak highly enough of the entertainment that these novels give me. Really really enjoying them.
July 27th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Heh! Heh! I’m supposed to be down south building a cedar hot tub playroom, but a bunch of you GREAT fans bought .pdf downloads and uh…the technical wizard…eh…who set up the autodownloadthingamabob appears to have erred. I ain’t saying who that was.
Anywho, big thanks to all! —–Here’s a promo for the Dunkin series.
Just when you thought it was safe to read again….
When you were sure every other book on the Barnes and Noble shelf was not about lust-driven vampires with Brad Pitt’s body, Johnny Depp’s personality, and Sean Connery’s voice, seducing the poor single girl at home eating yogurt and stroking her cat….
The Trilogy You Hoped Would Never Be Written….
DUNKIN, THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Something Porcine This Way Comes
DUNKIN THE VAMPIRE SLAYER II
Death Rides A Pale, Pink, Porcine Horse
*DUNKIN THE VAMPIRE SLAYER III
It Ain’t Over Til The Porcine Man Stings
*—coming just as soon as I sober up and hire someone to paint the cover.
Dunkin
A 450 pound vampire slayer who must eat or turn into a vampire himself. He calls his blubber, veinarmor.
Devlin
An alcoholic detective with a foul disposition.
Ash
A short, wide, timber framer who lays down for no one, not even ugly vampires.
An accidental meeting changes all of their lives as they pursue a High Council vampire all the way to Brazil and up the Amazon.
Nice stuff people not related to, or sleeping with, the author have said about the series:
… a masterful blend of humor and horror…
… this trilogy will stand the test of time…
… Swiftian storytelling!
… no one writes like this. There’s something wrong with Crites…
The Amazon, Nepal, France, Australia, Italy, these three are on a quest that spans the globe. A quest to rid the earth of the bloodsuckers and find a cure for that nasty vampire blood.
August 1st, 2008 at 9:54 pm
I’m so stoked to see this! I loved your other two books, and I’m downloading this now. I’m a cheap, unemployed bastard, so I can’t buy your stuff right now.
August 19th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Greg’s books have really grown on me. The first one I listened to I nearly deleted, but my how things have changed. It turns out Greg is highly creative and one of the best entertainers on Podiobooks.
September 13th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
It’s an extremely strange collection of characters, but they make for a great story. I’m not sure why I like it but I do. It does seem to sort of grow on you. Even the really bad one-line jokes!
October 13th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Gail, Barry, Nigel, Octopon, Chris and The Mighty Bee Lady!!! I missed all these. I got too much going on… or maybe I should cut back on the rum. No, then I’d never get anything new written. OK, let’s see… what the heck was I here for? Oh, yeah! HUGE thanks for the comments, kind words, and confirmation that my attempts to make ya laugh were in some part successful. Always great to hear, and keep enjoying my nonsense! The Hack
December 23rd, 2008 at 7:00 pm
The ‘Hack’ is anything but, don’t let his gruff voice fool you. He has a quick wit that will leave you laughing so hard you might just drive off the road. *true story* I started with Devlin Abnormal Investigations Case file The Hell Hermit. I was hooked after the first chapter. Since then I have downloaded every single book the crazy man has posted.
The fact that he likes AC/DC doesn’t hurt either!
December 23rd, 2008 at 9:34 pm
You know, last time I woke up sober, I was Greg? So, you must be another, Greg. Greg, nice to hear from ya, I’m Greg. HAR! For all of you who think I got hammered and posted something about myself, just stop and consider. I would have used even more superlatives to describe myself. Plus, I would have mentioned my nude 2009 ‘Hack’ calendar (which is sold out—too late) . Appreciate sharing a chuckle or three, sir! AC/DC rules!
April 23rd, 2009 at 3:50 am
Awsome, this and the 2nd book are funniest and most entertaining things that I have come across for years. Cannot wait until number 3 of the trilogy. Keep it up Greg
May 10th, 2009 at 9:25 am
Great book – Greg rates up there with Scott Sigler (EarthCore). Man you have to love Devilin. If you are not listening to this book right now – then you must have eat your Ipod like Dunkin -HHHAAARRRRR.
May 26th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
I started this shortly after getting my MP3 player and it’s the first Podiobook that I actually finished. I chalk this up to the fact that I’ve been listening to so many, but still, it’s the first one that I actually finished and it was pretty darn great. It’s kinda stupid, but that’s not really a bad thing now is it?
October 5th, 2009 at 9:18 am
Gregg, you crack me up man. I was walking around laughing my a$$ off in the grocerystore while listening to Crusade and now this vampire stuff is perpetuating my public image of insanity. Really creative writting.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
Greg Crites is the finest writer on earth. He’s original. If I were a fine redhead example of the feminine persuasion I would want to bear his children.
July 17th, 2010 at 6:45 pm
I love the Dunkin and Devlin stories. The Hack is one of the best podcasters I have ever listened to. Thanks and keep them coming.
October 24th, 2010 at 9:39 am
I really enjoyed this book. Very creative and well told story with some fantastic characters. Can’t wait to hear the other two books in the series!