Greg Crites today launches his third book on the site, Dunkin the Vampire Slayer. The author has requested this be listed as an Adults-Only title, so consider yourselves warned:
What could possibly bring together a 450 pound vampire slayer, a drunken, acid-tongued detective, a good natured carpenter, bureaucratic vampires, giant anacondas, mutant vampire bats, Ho Hos, Twinkies and more one-liners than a night at the comedy club? Dunkin, the Vampire Slayer blends all this discordance and more into a hilarious adventure that moves from the muggy heat of Florida to the muggier heat of the Amazon. ….If Carl Hiaasson, Tim Dorsey and Dave Barry collaborated on a vampire story, it may have turned out like this absurd romp…. This is part one of a trilogy.
Hey! This is book one and the introduction of Devlin, hero of three other novels I have perpetrated on an unsuspecting public. Book two, Dunkin the Vampire Slayer: Death Rides A Pale, Pink, Porcine Horse is available at www.veinarmor.com. Book three, Dunkin the Vampire Slayer: It Ain’t Over Til the Fat Man Stings is currently undergoing final hackery by me–The Hack!
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July 24th, 2008 at 3:02 am
Hey! I read this already! The pleasure of listening awaits me.
July 25th, 2008 at 11:49 am
The fact that I like this so much is probably a good sign that I have brain damage. Thanks!!!
July 26th, 2008 at 1:45 am
Brilliant. Can’t speak highly enough of the entertainment that these novels give me. Really really enjoying them.
July 27th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Heh! Heh! I’m supposed to be down south building a cedar hot tub playroom, but a bunch of you GREAT fans bought .pdf downloads and uh…the technical wizard…eh…who set up the autodownloadthingamabob appears to have erred. I ain’t saying who that was.
Anywho, big thanks to all! —–Here’s a promo for the Dunkin series.
Just when you thought it was safe to read again….
When you were sure every other book on the Barnes and Noble shelf was not about lust-driven vampires with Brad Pitt’s body, Johnny Depp’s personality, and Sean Connery’s voice, seducing the poor single girl at home eating yogurt and stroking her cat….
The Trilogy You Hoped Would Never Be Written….
DUNKIN, THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Something Porcine This Way Comes
DUNKIN THE VAMPIRE SLAYER II
Death Rides A Pale, Pink, Porcine Horse
*DUNKIN THE VAMPIRE SLAYER III
It Ain’t Over Til The Porcine Man Stings
*—coming just as soon as I sober up and hire someone to paint the cover.
Dunkin
A 450 pound vampire slayer who must eat or turn into a vampire himself. He calls his blubber, veinarmor.
Devlin
An alcoholic detective with a foul disposition.
Ash
A short, wide, timber framer who lays down for no one, not even ugly vampires.
An accidental meeting changes all of their lives as they pursue a High Council vampire all the way to Brazil and up the Amazon.
Nice stuff people not related to, or sleeping with, the author have said about the series:
… a masterful blend of humor and horror…
… this trilogy will stand the test of time…
… Swiftian storytelling!
… no one writes like this. There’s something wrong with Crites…
The Amazon, Nepal, France, Australia, Italy, these three are on a quest that spans the globe. A quest to rid the earth of the bloodsuckers and find a cure for that nasty vampire blood.
August 1st, 2008 at 9:54 pm
I’m so stoked to see this! I loved your other two books, and I’m downloading this now. I’m a cheap, unemployed bastard, so I can’t buy your stuff right now.
August 19th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Greg’s books have really grown on me. The first one I listened to I nearly deleted, but my how things have changed. It turns out Greg is highly creative and one of the best entertainers on Podiobooks.
September 13th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
It’s an extremely strange collection of characters, but they make for a great story. I’m not sure why I like it but I do. It does seem to sort of grow on you. Even the really bad one-line jokes!