Devlin, Abnormal Investigations - Case File: THE HELL HERMIT
Greg Crites makes his debut, with Devlin, Abnormal Investigations - Case File: THE HELL HERMIT:
This is a spin off of the character, Devlin, from the Dunkin, the Vampire Slayer trilogy of novels. It’s a rip off of X-Files, featuring a near indestructible alcoholic vampire, with few socially redeeming qualities. His friends, including a wolf and a chimp are all smarter than he is, but he does excel at drinking and mayhem.
Here, he takes the case of a strange entity called the Hell hermit, who has lost the Key of Death. This could be bad news for humanity, but Devlin doesn’t care as long as it doesn’t interfere with his drinking. When innocents get hurt, he battles a giant hegdeapple, and singlehandedly attempts to cure the lust problem in the middle east.
May 4th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Devlin may have few socially redeeming qualities, but he has charm and a great voice. And can he talk!
I’m enjoying your book, Greg Crites, thanks for putting it in podcast form.
The volume is a little uneven, Devlin is always really loud while everybody else is softer. The difference is hard to take through headphones. The intro music is even louder, although I like the way it gets us to the story right away.
I think the way you’ve done the voices makes the point nicely. (The point that Devlin is really loud and everybody else is … not.)
May 4th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
ha ha Calgon take me away!
May 5th, 2008 at 7:33 am
Thanks, Gail. I have nine more completed novels waiting in the wings. This new audiobook presentation venue is exciting. With laser hindsight, I now realize my recording skills leave much room for improvement; so I’ve cut back my time writing and devote at least an hour every day to practicing the recording of random pieces. I’m sure practice will improve the overall quality. I have two more Devlin novels waiting; Devlin, Case File: Cleft Behind, wherein he finds himself in a steel cage match with Lucifer and the antichrist. Then Devlin, Case File: Plan Fore From Outer Space, where Devlin must thwart an alien plot to take over the world’s big business by taking over the earths golf courses. I’m chafing at the reins to get started, but forcing myself to practice first.
Anyway, thanks for listening and taking the time to comment. I appreciate it. (Heh! Heh! Calgon, take me away…another obscure reference I couldn’t help tossing in there. ).
May 5th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
All that practice is dedication indeed! You have an amazing repertory of voices.
I know nothing about recording quality, my expertise went out with the cassette recorder. Good luck with it. I’m very happy to know you have so much all ready to record. Even gleeful.
May 7th, 2008 at 9:59 am
I love your story so far; it’s catching and very entertaining. I do have a complaint about Chapter 3, though. We had our output turned up all the way, the player turned up all the way and speakers turned up all the way and we could still barely hear the story.
It is very frustrating to find such a wonderful plot and narration and have the audio so screwy. Good luck with the audio recording (I can only imagine how time consuming and complicated it is…)!
Regardless, I’m still looking forward to the next chapter!
May 7th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
All I can say is: Harr!!!!!
Great story so far, can’t wait to hear the rest of it. Once it’s done, I’ll buy a copy. Got none of that thar sulfer control….
May 7th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Yeah, it’s the volume control that needs attention, you’re good for the rest of what it takes. We don’t want to miss a word (or go deaf. Harrr!!!)
May 7th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
If Devlin did not exist, humans would have created him.
May 9th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
I forgot to notice the first episode when it happened, but definitely I listened to all of Episode 15 without changing the volume.
Thanks, Greg.
May 12th, 2008 at 4:09 am
Greg,
I just started listening to Devlin and have made it to Episode 2. You really should warn people not to drink when listening to your stories, they may cause fluid to shoot out their nose. I havent laughed this much at a story in a very very long time. You are a talented writer and I love the story and look forward to finishing the first and then the others. One other thing, I grew up in the Stuart/Okeechobee area and it is really neat to find a story set in that location. Thank you for the outstanding story.
May 12th, 2008 at 6:18 am
Nia, you are correct, I screwed chapter three up mercilessly. All I can say in my defense is—I’m an idiot. I graduated summa cum clueless from the US Technical Institute of Trial and Error and in that episode, it shows. I’m gonna re-record that episode and offer it somewhere. I’ll post the news. I’m about to figure out the proper way to record these books and I have a huge inventory of them waiting—nine novels, a half-million words.
I’ve built a head-clamp from old wood. It looks like an old medieval torture device. I stick my head between the wood and crank down the corkscrew until it mashes up against my ears. This might keep my bobble-head from moving back and forth behind the microphone. My theory is, this will go a long ways toward eliminating the volume drops evident in chapter three.
Kelly, glad you had a laugh! That’s really what I have in mind when I write this nonsense—giving the reader…or listener in this case, a good belly laugh.
Gail, and everyone else, big thanks for listening, and commenting.
May 12th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Greg-
Great book! I’ve listed to a lot of podcasts on here and yours was by far the funniest. I can’t wait to listen to your other novels. I listen while I’m at work and it sure does make the day go much faster. So, great book and can’t wait to hear more. Take care
May 13th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
This is a highly entertaining story, read with verve and gusto by the author. It is seriously politically incorrect, and extremely funny. You’ve been warned. Enjoy!
May 16th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
Devlin is my new favorite character. I can’t wait for a new novel about the bastich!!!
HAR!
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Devlin is an interesting character, he’s brash and unconcerned with what others think. He started a bit annoying but I’ve grown to like him.
Greg’s definitely creative and isn’t afraid to put it all down on paper.
May 23rd, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Har!
A monster who loves his mother can’t be all bad.
Thanks for the guffaws!
June 10th, 2008 at 4:31 am
Really liking this book. I really hope there are more of them to come. I have a thing about SF or Fantasy P.I. Stories, and this is really quite good. Voice characterisation and humour are great, The recording is a little uneven at times, but I can live with that with such a great story.
Nigel.
June 10th, 2008 at 7:23 am
Yes, I screwed this one six ways from Sunday. It would have helped if the microphone instructions told the user they need to deep throat the mic when recording. I tend to move around, take a drink, puff on a cigar. I can say without hesitation those things guarantee sound problems. Apparently you have to lean in and stroke that beggar with your tongue. They should shape the mic like a 38D; then genetically hardwired behavior patterns would have kicked in and no instruction would be necessary—I’d be all over that puppy. Anyway, I’m rerecording Devlin. I doubt it gets put up here. Who knows what hoops need be hurdled to replace an episode once it’s been linked up to all the feeds. I’ll probably offer it on the hackery site with my book packages. Anyway, thanks for the comments. There are three completed novels with Devlin, four if I’d write a few words instead of slobbering on the microphone.
June 10th, 2008 at 8:00 am
Anyway, I’m rerecording Devlin. I doubt it gets put up here. Who knows what hoops need be hurdled to replace an episode once it’s been linked up to all the feeds.
It’s actually a pretty simple process, and I’m sure there are some people who would enjoy giving the book another chance once the audio issues are solved.
E.
June 18th, 2008 at 11:32 am
I’m busy rerecording the entire book. So if you want to wait for the vastly???…slightly superior version. I’m shooting for…Sunday? I’ll try to stay sober long enough to finish it by then.
Greg
June 20th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
Absolutely loved it. Can’t wait for more.
June 26th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
I’m running late, but the newly read, recorded and levelated version is complete. We expect to upload it next week.
July 23rd, 2008 at 5:24 pm
My wife and I absolutely loved Devlin. We both laughed very harr’ed. I fully expect to purchase the hard copies of Devlin in the near future. Thanks Greg for creating a very unique charicature in an alcoholic Vampire. When I get to read it, I will definately hear your voice.
July 27th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Greg, you are one smart hack! This new version makes you sound like you know what you’re doing.
The Hell Hermit has the voice that makes me laugh the most, a smug immortal whiner. But he can be taught.
July 27th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Devlin Abnormal Investigations Case File: Cleft Behind
In this, the second book in the series, Devlin, the alcoholic vampire, goes head-to-head with the Devil in a no-holds-barred steel cage match. The outcome could not only cost him the soul he never knew he had, but allow the unfolding of the Apocalypse as outlined in Revelations. If that’s not enough, he’s also being hounded by the IRS, and the woman he loves—but avoids, has tired of chasing him and started on-line dating through EMatchHarmony.com. Will he lose his soul? His girlfriend? His liquor license? Will the world be hurled into the final phase of the Biblically prophesied Armageddon?
Can Devlin survive the Breath of Death? Can he resist the charms of Lilith the seducer? Can he defeat Hell Hounds, The Leviathan, Hell’s horde of lawyers? And if so, what about the Devil himself? Surely not even Devlin can stand against the Prince of Darkness…
The final edits are finished—another 65,000 words. This ain’t litrachur, folks. This is the cheapjack pulp storytelling you used to get shipped in plain brown paper so’s to not embarrass you in front of yer neighbors. I may think about recording this one if there seems to be any interest…Har!
August 6th, 2008 at 10:53 am
This is a seriously funny tale. And the voice is awesome. In fact, I’m a bit envious that such an obvious hack has such a great touch with the humor. I hear that Greg was afraid that with this book he didn’t offend enough people, and thus he wrote Crusade. But that could just be vicious rumor.
Anyway, give this one a listen - you won’ be disappointed.
August 6th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
The fact that I enjoyed this enough to listen to it twice (never happened before) is disturbing but I think that the fact I’m agreeing with the political and philosophic views may require some introspection when I get some time. HAR
Thanks Greg for this and the others. Hope you can do Cleft Behind.
Matt
August 7th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
I’m a huge fan of these books and I’ve even started to foist them on random friends. Looking forward to Cleft Behind and Dunkin II. I have to say that I’d prefer Devlin II over Dunkin II, primarily because I think that Devlin is a more interesting and believable character (even if he is half vampire, half ancient irish warrior, half alcoholic and half portent of the apocolypse). So thanks for the updated version and looking forward to the next story.
August 16th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Ed, Matt, Andrew, and all the mighty legions of fans with sophisticated taste, culture, and refinement—thank ya!
I’m recording a science fiction book I wrote at the same time I was writing Dunkin One. I finished the two books about a week apart. I’ve now graduated to writing four at a time, 1500 words a day, seven days a week. If I’m in a foul mood, I work on a violent one, if I’m drinking, I work on a funny one, if I’m in a foul mood and drinkin’ I go to the bar and hope somebody jumps on me or I do some editing which is about the same boringass dang thing.
Anyway, I’m recording ‘No, You Can’t Have It’ a 63,000 word science fiction novel, written in first person POV, about 9-10 hours long. I remember being in San Francisco, a Mac convention or some excuse for drinking, and I bought a copy of Jumper by Stephen Gould in some downtown bookstore. I enjoyed that book. I think he did an awesome job. I have no idea about the movie cuz I didn’t watch it. (The movie usually sucks) One day I started thinking I could write a sci/fi book with teleportation as the main theme. The result was: No, You Can’t Have It. Now my crap ain’t as good as Gould’s, but he’s probably rich now off that Hollywood cash and I’m eating crackers with jalapeno-studded sardines and chasing it down to my gullet with Captain Morgan; but I think you’ll have a good time listening. It’s full of the usual wisecracks, and seamlessly-integrated-thinly-veiled social commentary. Har!
Sidenote: I know everyone who listens to my crap and enjoys it, was hoping I’d do ‘Devlin, Abnormal Investigations, Case File: Cleft Behind’ as the next project, and because that’s what you, my loyal fans want—I ain’t doing it. It’s my way of being the crude, obnoxious, pain-in-the-kiester you’ve all come to love and shower with paypal cash and undying affection. Heck, Evo’s called me names I hadn’t been called yet. (plus, this is my least favorite book so I might as well foist it off on an unsuspecting public)
Here’s a NYCHI blurb, followed by the chapter titles:
The indolent life of a wealthy, cynical, wisecracking talk radio host is invaded by a huge, garrulous interloper who claims to have invented an amazing device. Together they start a company based on his invention. When this technology becomes public, the fed wants it and are willing to do anything to get it. It has romance, good food, adventure, copious BS, and teleportation!
CHAPTER 1 The Shithammer
CHAPTER 2 What Was I Thinking?
CHAPTER 3 The Tennis Ball Incident
CHAPTER 4 Talk Radio
CHAPTER 5 The Town Meeting
CHAPTER 6 Hamknuckles
CHAPTER 7 Assoflage
CHAPTER 8 The Demonstration and the Infatuation
CHAPTER 9 The Bulldozer Two-Step
CHAPTER 10 greatWalofchinaMart
CHAPTER 11 Opening Volley
CHAPTER 12 Love Is In the Air
CHAPTER 13 I Mooned A Man-In-Black
CHAPTER 14 The Chess Game Begins…Your Move Jackass
CHAPTER 15 Gotta Eat Sometime
CHAPTER 16 The Press Conference
CHAPTER 17 Spin This!
CHAPTER 18 Ninjers
CHAPTER 19 Please Allow Me To Introduce Myself
CHAPTER 20 Curl Up? I Don’t Think So…
CHAPTER 21 The Truth Makes An Appearance
August 28th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Interesting premise, and set in my home state so it gets some points. The intro/exit music is loud and designed to hurt your ears. Seriously, I had to rip my headphones off my head every time the “music” started playing, it’s AWFUL! The sound level is very inconsistent. I had to turn up my ipod/stereo to hear the quiter characters and got blasted whenever Devlin’s voice came on. Dialog would get quieter and quieter then be loud again instantly. The story was ok, but really not worth the actual physical pain.
August 28th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Hey, KC, glad ya enjoyed it so much. I tried to make the next book even louder and more obnoxious. Make sure and listen; crank it —then leave a donation. Fifty per cent goes to the association of auditory canal research.
September 14th, 2008 at 11:44 am
i dont care what anybody else thinks i thought it was great and i would rather a slightly dodgy audio to nothing at all so cmon deliver the next book i cant wait! :O)
October 1st, 2008 at 9:56 am
Great job Greg. I’ve recently found and started listening to your Devlin: Hell Hermit story. I actually haven’t had any issues with the audio at all… must be the fact that I’m using a Zune.
Great story… great character… and I can’t wait to get more of Devlin!
October 1st, 2008 at 11:11 am
Thank ya, Steve! If yer havin’ a good time, it dang sure ain’t because of my recording skills. I got an imac, a samson mic, a stand, and garageband. I used to have a homemade pop filter. It was a piece of used pantyhose stretched over an embroidery circle thingamabob, and affixed to the stand with a couple hose clamps. But I got too close to the nylon with a seegar and it burned up. Crimany!!! Pantyhose goes up in flames like flash paper. I used to like to wear pantyhose, they feel good on yer nether regions. But them sensations ain’t worth the inherent fire danger. Dang it, all the stuff I like is dangerous! Anyway, I just try and elicit a smile, show the reader a good time, a laugh—it’s all I aspire to when scribbling my nonsense!
October 1st, 2008 at 11:32 am
Oh! I didn’t see Rob’s comment up there. I fergot to acknowledge ya. Oh man. Okay, picture this: we’re on the set of a Budweiser commercial. I’m in my natural state of wobblyness, the director says “Take 571-Bud Commercial”, and I look over at ya, my eyeballs swimming around in the sockets, my torso fightin’ gravity in a doomed attempt to remain upright, and I finally deliver my only line; “I luv ya, man.” HAR!
October 6th, 2008 at 7:59 am
Greg - so you really made that pop filter. Haha! Too bad about the cigar. Another good reason to avoid pantyhose no matter how you wear them.
So now you’re busy swapping insults on Twitter.
Must be a guy thing.