So there I am, stuck in the passenger seat, my wife driving, listening to podiobooks over the radio in an attempt to draw her into the wonder. She looks at me and says, “can we do something else. The droning is putting me to sleep.” Desperate, I grab the i-pod, switch over to Devlin, and within minutes she is laughing and smiling and saying things about how Greg is so funny and how creative he is and how we are so going to listen to this when we are driving cross country in a few days and how I better download Greg’s other recorded books or she will hit me.

In other words, after listening to his voice for just a few minutes, my wife was willing to crack the solid foundation of her marriage and threaten bodily harm to the most wonderful husband in the entirety of the world just for a few more hours of listening to Greg’s not so dulcimer voice. I was crushed. My spirit was thrown into the lowest depths of despair. I wanted to cast myself from the vehicle onto the hard pavement where I would be tumbled and rolled and broken, thus freeing me from this horrible pain of marital realization, but about that time Greg started reading another chapter…and really, how could I miss that?

Good writing Greg

So now you’re busy swapping insults on Twitter.

Must be a guy thing.

Great story… great character… and I can’t wait to get more of Devlin!

I’m recording a science fiction book I wrote at the same time I was writing Dunkin One. I finished the two books about a week apart. I’ve now graduated to writing four at a time, 1500 words a day, seven days a week. If I’m in a foul mood, I work on a violent one, if I’m drinking, I work on a funny one, if I’m in a foul mood and drinkin’ I go to the bar and hope somebody jumps on me or I do some editing which is about the same boringass dang thing.

Anyway, I’m recording ‘No, You Can’t Have It’ a 63,000 word science fiction novel, written in first person POV, about 9-10 hours long. I remember being in San Francisco, a Mac convention or some excuse for drinking, and I bought a copy of Jumper by Stephen Gould in some downtown bookstore. I enjoyed that book. I think he did an awesome job. I have no idea about the movie cuz I didn’t watch it. (The movie usually sucks) One day I started thinking I could write a sci/fi book with teleportation as the main theme. The result was: No, You Can’t Have It. Now my crap ain’t as good as Gould’s, but he’s probably rich now off that Hollywood cash and I’m eating crackers with jalapeno-studded sardines and chasing it down to my gullet with Captain Morgan; but I think you’ll have a good time listening. It’s full of the usual wisecracks, and seamlessly-integrated-thinly-veiled social commentary. Har!

Sidenote: I know everyone who listens to my crap and enjoys it, was hoping I’d do ‘Devlin, Abnormal Investigations, Case File: Cleft Behind’ as the next project, and because that’s what you, my loyal fans want—I ain’t doing it. It’s my way of being the crude, obnoxious, pain-in-the-kiester you’ve all come to love and shower with paypal cash and undying affection. Heck, Evo’s called me names I hadn’t been called yet. (plus, this is my least favorite book so I might as well foist it off on an unsuspecting public)

Here’s a NYCHI blurb, followed by the chapter titles:

The indolent life of a wealthy, cynical, wisecracking talk radio host is invaded by a huge, garrulous interloper who claims to have invented an amazing device. Together they start a company based on his invention. When this technology becomes public, the fed wants it and are willing to do anything to get it. It has romance, good food, adventure, copious BS, and teleportation!

CHAPTER 1 The Shithammer
CHAPTER 2 What Was I Thinking?
CHAPTER 3 The Tennis Ball Incident
CHAPTER 4 Talk Radio
CHAPTER 5 The Town Meeting
CHAPTER 6 Hamknuckles
CHAPTER 7 Assoflage
CHAPTER 8 The Demonstration and the Infatuation
CHAPTER 9 The Bulldozer Two-Step
CHAPTER 10 greatWalofchinaMart
CHAPTER 11 Opening Volley
CHAPTER 12 Love Is In the Air
CHAPTER 13 I Mooned A Man-In-Black
CHAPTER 14 The Chess Game Begins…Your Move Jackass
CHAPTER 15 Gotta Eat Sometime
CHAPTER 16 The Press Conference
CHAPTER 17 Spin This!
CHAPTER 18 Ninjers
CHAPTER 19 Please Allow Me To Introduce Myself
CHAPTER 20 Curl Up? I Don’t Think So…
CHAPTER 21 The Truth Makes An Appearance

Anyway, give this one a listen – you won’ be disappointed.

In this, the second book in the series, Devlin, the alcoholic vampire, goes head-to-head with the Devil in a no-holds-barred steel cage match. The outcome could not only cost him the soul he never knew he had, but allow the unfolding of the Apocalypse as outlined in Revelations. If that’s not enough, he’s also being hounded by the IRS, and the woman he loves—but avoids, has tired of chasing him and started on-line dating through EMatchHarmony.com. Will he lose his soul? His girlfriend? His liquor license? Will the world be hurled into the final phase of the Biblically prophesied Armageddon?

Can Devlin survive the Breath of Death? Can he resist the charms of Lilith the seducer? Can he defeat Hell Hounds, The Leviathan, Hell’s horde of lawyers? And if so, what about the Devil himself? Surely not even Devlin can stand against the Prince of Darkness…

The final edits are finished—another 65,000 words. This ain’t litrachur, folks. This is the cheapjack pulp storytelling you used to get shipped in plain brown paper so’s to not embarrass you in front of yer neighbors. I may think about recording this one if there seems to be any interest…Har!